I only pass 'em on....

Spanish Oysters!!!

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming
around in Spain .

While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking
platter being served at the next table.

Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Si Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are
called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this
morning. A delicacy!'

The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'

The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per
day because there is only one bull fight each morning.

If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you
this delicacy.'

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that
evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and
said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the
ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied,

'Si, Senor.

Sometimes the bull wins."...

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

John walks into a post office at the start of the second week of February to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over the envelopes. His curiosity getting the better of him, John goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man replies, “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards - each signed, ‘Guess who?'” “But why?” asks John. The man replied ............................................

....................... “I’m a divorce lawyer."....

A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a really ugly glass trophy, while the runner-up would receive a crate of champagne. By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place. They were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots each at maximum range. To makethings more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.
After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm very sorry but I deliberately put all five of my shots into the back wall."

"No, no, it's me who should apologise" replied the other. "I put all of my rounds into YOUR target!"...

I found a big roll of bubble wrap in the store room at work and asked the boss what to do with it.
He said " Just pop it in the corner over there.",
I was there for three days!!..

Not saying it's windy but my wheelie bin is on a speed awareness course next tuesday

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner...unannounced at 7:30 pm after work.

His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens.

Wife: "My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home?!?"

Husband: "Because he's thinking of

getting married and I promised him a

demo!"

Really windy in Blackpool today...!!!

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no. Fact is, he got out three times to take a pee....

Dear members,

Some sad news....

Ken Dodd's dad's dog's dead....

Harry meets Sally, his Tinder date at a fairground. "There's so many games," he said, "What do you wanna do?" "I wanna get weighed." she says, shyly looking at the ground. Harry took her to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and Sally wins a stuffed animal. "What next?" he asks. "I wanna get weighed." she says, confidently looking at him. Harry takes her back to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins nothing as the stall holder recognises her and refuses to let her play. "What now?" Harry asks, a bit annoyed at his date's lack of imagination. Sally looks him straight in the eyes, holds his gaze and carefully says "I... Wanna... Get... WEIGHED!" Harry ends the date right there and storms off. Dejected, Sally goes home., where her roommate asks, "How was your date?"

Sally throws the stuffed animal to the ground and shouts, "Wousy!"

SALE

Contact seller

MESSAGE

GARDEN CLEARANCE SALE

6 trampolines

21 fence panels (various sizes)

45 Marley roof tiles

Half a shed

Contact me for prices

UPDATE....correction only 4 trampolines..2 have moved on

NEW STOCK ARRIVING EVERY 5 MINS!!..

You can also see local listings on Marketplace.

New Panties
To spice up her dead sex-life, she puts on her new panties, together with a short skirt
and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At a strategic moment, she uncrosses her legs enough times that her husband finally asks,
"Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"
"Yes, yes"" she coos, so excited and with a cunningly seductive smile.
"Thank God!” he replies, “I thought you were sitting on the cat."
He never heard the gunshot!!.......................

signed...Admin...

Really pleased with my new garden furniture.

No idea who it belongs to, but thanks…